Slept all evening and woke up at 12 am..Fantastic time to blog i guess. Its been a while, i have had my own personal battles to face, ive even seen my kids a few times at the local contact centre.
Like the studious person I am, I have sat back a little and taken in my experiences, essentially the whole separation period has been a learning process. Being irrevocably thrown in to the family court lions den i have learnt that im not very good with solicitors or with contact centres, or with police! I wonder why this is..I wonder why despite getting exact precise information from some of the top activists in family law reform i still went ahead and did what i wasnt supposed to do? I have come to the conclusion that its because I am a ‘glutton for punishment-extraordinaire’ and boy oh boy does separation from your children and the battle that this besets stroke that punishments ego.
Now i have to look at me in order to see what is wrong with myself.. Possibly the hardest thing any human being can really do. I guess its for the best, i will be a better person for it, i dont blame anybody for my shortcomings. Fact is ive smoked cannabis most of my adult life, and despite the fact that ive never really believed the hype about its negative impacts it has certainly stopped me from seeing my kids and they are far more important to me than anything set to ease my own personal mind.
Ive always refuted the fact that i am depressed and always said ‘well, actually im oppressed and i would like some anti oppression pills please!’ The only good anti oppressant is green and it grows out the ground. However its illegal, and therefore i am a criminal as long as i smoke it, therefore until i give up i wont see my kids outside of a contact centre…Seems like a good time to be self reflective.
Ive never ever pressed this fact to people that dont know me i know it isnt socially acceptable and i have tried to live my life as normally as possible. However if it means i cant see my kids outside this said contact centre then i will have to change that by reforming myself. I wont smoke anymore, that life is over for me..Now i have to find something to replace the need to be unoppressed, time to release the shackles and emancipate Dad 🙂
If anyone thinks that me giving up smoking cannabis will in anyway reform me and turn me into one of your sheeple clones, i am afraid you are very very much mistaken, you see smoking the stuff has in many ways pacified me, ive always felt that i can live the shitty life i have led without too much need to be judgemental in my own dogmatic views of society.
Ive stopped now and im already beginning to feel the power coursing through me. I can already see that what i could do to change myself will eventually be used and held in evidence against my doubters and this year will be the start of some real changes. Not just for me personally but to the world as a whole. The changes have begun right here right now for me. I am seeking help to replace my addiction with a newer healthier lifestyle, i know i cant afford any more slip ups (they hairstrand test you these days) So its out with the old me and in with the new!
Now as a non-smoker of the demon weed i can be condescendary to my former fellow smokers and tokers..dont worry i wont judge you. I still shake my head with disbelief that people would for a second think that alcohol was a better drug than cannabis..because believe me, it isnt..most of my problems occur when I have a drink..when i was stoned all you would have was a giggling mess, i know what i preferred, however it is not acceptable these days and it is something which I have to accept.
All i will say on the matter and i know many will agree with me..Cannabis is a soft drug in comparison to any other illegal substance, nearly everyone i know smokes it or has smoked it at some point in their lives. For christ sake it needs to be allowed back into society in an industrialised manner to stop A) the loss of taxable income which is instead put into criminal underworld to be spent on illegal gains
B) To allow perfectly healthy people who have been alienated from smoking/selling it to have a respectable position in society..The missing piece of Big Society = The unalienation of the poorest members .
C) So that those unable to smoke the stuff due to personal mental health conditions to be known, so they are aware that smoking the strongest forms is a risk to their health, and they stop stabbing themselves in the eyes ..etc (a number likely so small, that it is the true reason that no accurate research has been done on the subject).
Anyway enough on the subject, it is closed to me now. I can only hope that somebody somewhere reads this and uses my questions to better effect than i will have done.
So thats where i am, despite the fact that I hadnt known until family court what the precise reason for my loss of contact with my own flesh and blood children and hence the year of pain i have suffered, its probably taken around 3 months of inner struggles to get to where i am on the issue. To actually stop fighting against what the courts ordered me to do but im there now ..reformed almost emancipated, ready to Rock and Roll off the dole and back to society. Guess what nothing has changed i am still gonna tell anyone who gets in my way to fuck off..just this time it will be as an emancipated Daddy with his kids back under his care, where they should be.